By Sylvia Otieno
Spirituality is one of the most intimate aspects of human existence. It shapes how we understand ourselves, how we interpret the world, and how we search for meaning in moments of confusion, loss, joy, and longing. Yet for many lesbian, bisexual, and queer women in Kenya, spirituality becomes the very battlefield where identity, belonging, and dignity are repeatedly questioned. During this year’s 16 Days of Activism, as LBQ organisations across the country gather to reimagine love and power within our communities, it is essential that we also speak about a quieter but equally devastating form of violence: the spiritual wounding that arises when sexuality and faith collide.
This is not an abstract debate. It is a lived reality. Silent, persistent, bruising.
An Anecdote of Awakening and Crisis
Consider the story of a young woman. Let’s call her Amina.
She grew up in a deeply devout and conservative community. Every Sunday was reserved for the solemn rituals of church; every Friday evening, her mother read scripture aloud. She was taught that God was love, that faith was the anchor of the soul, and that obedience was the path to righteousness.
Then, at nineteen, Amina fell in love for the first time with another woman.
What followed was not the innocence of young love but an existential storm. She prayed fervently for the feelings to disappear. She begged God to cleanse her heart. She fasted, cried, confessed, apologised to the heavens for a desire she did not choose and could not extinguish.
For months, she lived in silent fear:
“Does God hate me?”
“Was I created wrong?”
“Can I belong to a religion that condemns the very truth of my being?”
Her sexuality became the source of profound spiritual terror. The God she had once imagined as warm, gentle and parental became distant and punitive. A judge waiting to measure her worth.
Like so many LBQ women raised in homophobic religious environments, Amina found herself spiritually homeless. Torn between her faith and her identity, she wondered whether she must lose herself to keep her religion, or lose her religion to save herself.
Her story is not an exception. It’s a common, quiet suffering.
The Collision Between Desire and Doctrine
For queer women raised within organised religion, the discovery of sexuality often triggers a deep identity fragmentation. Religion, in Kenya, is not simply a set of beliefs. It is community, family, morality, belonging, and the very fabric of everyday life. To question one’s place within religion is to question one’s place in society itself.
The struggle arises because organised religion often frames same-sex love as a deviation from divine order. Scripture is wielded as a weapon. Sermons are laced with condemnation. Silence becomes a method of erasure—queer people simply do not exist within the moral imagination of many faith communities.
Psychologically, this creates:
● Internalised homophobia,
● Chronic shame,
● Spiritual fear,
● Emotional fragmentation,
● And a lingering belief that one must apologise for existing.
Many queer Africans describe feeling as though they are constantly negotiating with God, offering up pieces of themselves in exchange for acceptance. The tragedy is that they are fighting a battle their faith was never meant to create.
Organised Religion and the Queer Soul
To explore this conflict honestly is not to attack faith, but to acknowledge the structural limitations within many religious institutions.
Some congregations preach unconditional love while practising harsh conditional acceptance. Others misinterpret or selectively interpret scripture to uphold cultural biases rather than divine wisdom. Many queer believers are told to choose between their identity and their salvation; a cruel ultimatum that fractures one’s sense of self.
And yet, despite the hostility, many LBQ women still long for God. They still pray. They still hope. They still believe in spiritual transcendence, even while their communities deny them the space to breathe.
This longing reveals a profound truth: the human spirit seeks connection with the divine even when institutions fail.
The Psychological Dimensions of Spiritual Crisis
From a counselling psychology perspective, the conflict between sexuality and spirituality is a form of existential dissonance. It destabilises:
● One’s sense of meaning,
● Personal identity,
● Emotional safety,
● And internal harmony
A queer woman may feel guilty for loving, ashamed for desiring, and terrified of divine punishment. She may separate her identity into compartments; queer in private, religious in public, without ever feeling whole.
This fragmentation is a wound, not a moral failing.
Healing begins with the realisation that spirituality is not meant to diminish the self but to elevate it. Any belief system that demands self-erasure cannot nourish the soul.
Tips for Reconciling Spirituality and Sexuality
The journey to wholeness is deeply personal, but there are gentle steps that can guide queer women towards spiritual wellbeing:
- Reclaim Spirituality as Personal, Not Institutional
Spirituality is a journey of the soul, not a set of rules enforced by others. You are allowed to redefine your relationship with God on your own terms. - Sit with Your Questions Without Fear
Doubt is not a betrayal of faith. It is an invitation to seek deeper truth. - Separate God from Human Institutions
Clergy, churches, and doctrines are human constructions. God, however you understand the divine, is not bound by human prejudice. - Seek Inclusive Interpretations
Around the world, theologians have offered compassionate, scholarly readings of scripture that affirm queer existence. Knowledge can be liberating. - Build a Community of Spiritual Support
Find others who understand your journey. Isolation breeds shame; community invites healing. - Practise Spiritual Reflection That Centres Self-Love
Meditation, journaling, prayer, or mindfulness can restore connection to the self and to the divine. - Challenge Internalised Shame
Shame is inherited, not inherent. It can be unlearned. - Allow Yourself to Feel Loved; Both Humanly and Spiritually
Neither God nor love requires you to shrink to fit someone else’s idea of righteousness. - Access Counselling When Needed
Religious trauma is real. Therapy can help untangle years of spiritual fear. - Choose Authenticity Over Surviving in Silence
Your soul deserves honesty. Your heart deserves peace.
A Final Reflection
As Kenya observes the 16 Days of Activism, let us remember that liberation is not only political but spiritual. For many LBQ women, reclaiming spiritual wellbeing is an act of resistance. It is a refusal to abandon the divine simply because others have tried to monopolise it. It is a declaration that love, both spiritual and romantic, can coexist, nourish, and flourish.
No woman should have to sacrifice her identity at the altar of conformity.
No soul should be told it is unworthy of the divine.
No heart should be exiled from its own spirituality.
To reconcile sexuality and spirituality is to reclaim the fullness of humanity.
It is to stand, like Amina, with the courage to say:
“I am whole. I am loved. I belong to myself, and I belong to God.”