When you tell yourself a lie over and over again, it becomes the truth.
I learned to bury me from a young age,
At first, as a joke, so I could be like the actresses and actors on TV.
I buried myself out of dread of being punished,
Of being shamed in public.
I buried me because of unhealed pain,
Of trauma forced, beaten into me before I could defend myself.
I buried myself out of dread that I was wrong,
A sin that needed to be cleansed.
I buried me, believing I was depraved,
A creature meant to be tamed.
I buried me because I wanted to be “normal.”
I buried me for you, so I could continue being your perfect child,
So, I could star in your dreams… I just wanted to be your perfect daughter.
I buried me, hoping to forget that a part of me screamed to be freed.
I buried me because I was taught, that I was something abnormal,
Something to hate, so I learned to hate myself.
I buried me because I felt too weak to stand out,
To face backlash after backlash from the people I cared about.