Discovering My Identity
In my early teens, I realized I was a lesbian. Although I didn’t know the term at the time, I understood that my feelings were deemed wrong. The signs appeared early, but I wasn’t aware of their meaning then. This realization triggered my inner turmoil, as society viewed my attraction to girls as forbidden.
Navigating Life as a Muslim Lesbian
I’ve kept my identity as a Muslim lesbian private—always have been, and still am. The negative stigma surrounding being a Muslim lesbian has prevented me from sharing this aspect of my life. Even though I take pride in being queer, I haven’t felt safe revealing my Muslim lesbian identity online due to fear of judgment and Islamophobia.
Over time, I became active in LGBTQ+ online spaces and slowly began coming out. I discovered that it’s perfectly okay to be both religious and queer. Imam Muhsin from Cape Town, South Africa, played a crucial role in helping me realize this during my first trip outside Kenya. Meeting queer Muslims from various parts of the world was an eye-opener. For years, I harbored deep self-hatred, believing I was the only Muslim lesbian. I nearly distanced myself from Islam, but I didn’t.
Living a Double Life
Living a double life isn’t easy. Sometimes, I forget to remove my rainbow band when I visit my Muslim family, leading to trouble and unwanted questions. At other times, I endure prayers aimed at “removing the evil” from within me (conversion therapy). I remain closeted due to my unsupportive family, friends, and environment. Many Muslims here believe that killing queer people ensures their entry to heaven.
Self-Acceptance
For many years, I’ve grappled with my religion, and at times, I still do. Despite this, I’ve never lost my faith and never will. I may not be an expert on Islam, but I trust that Allah understands my intentions in everything I do. Allah made me this way, and no one has the right to judge me. I embrace my identity as a Muslim lesbian because Allah made me this way, and there’s a reason for it. I am both a Muslim girl and a lesbian, and I now accept that I can be both.
I’ve fought long and hard to be myself, and I’m beginning to like—no, love—who I am today. Life’s challenges have shaped me, and I now define who I am. The moment I accepted myself for who I am is the moment I truly started living. I encourage you to be who you were born to be and who you were meant to be. Stay safe and know that if you’re a religious queer person—Muslim, Christian, or otherwise—there’s nothing wrong with you. I hope you find peace in your life.
To my chosen friends and family, your support has been invaluable. I deeply appreciate everything you’ve done for me.